Who is the hidden monster behind my garden wall?
Where do I think my feelings are coming from?
I recall having some beautiful sunny days during May and early June this year.
Let me take you back……..
I realise this is my favourite time of year. The subtle transition between Spring and Summer. The movement between seasons, like the imperceptible pause between breaths.
I’m waking early these days. It’s a nice quiet time. My waking could be due to the daylight starting early and the birds firing up their early morning chorus. I listen.
At first I hear the birds as one. Then I listen more closely and I hear all types of different birds singing, chirping, whistling, and hooting. A choir with all sorts of voices.
There’s something special about the light at this time, sparkling, clear and calm and there is a gentle breeze.
Then I notice the faintest hint of a burning smell!
I look out of the window and can tell the breeze is nudging the smell through the open window to my nose. I look out and I see it is coming from a neighbour’s bonfire over the wall at the end of our garden. The smoke is visible, creeping and weaving its way towards our house.
This has been happening on and off for several days now and sometimes the flames have been leaping very high above the 12 foot wall.
This can’t go on, it has to be stopped. So my mind gets to work. It begins to judge and problem solve. I picture a large hulking “monster” tending the fire without a care for anyone, thoughtless to the impact on others, piling on materials to increase the flames and smoke.
I imagine those materials are not only unpleasant but toxic and dangerous too. How could anyone be so unreasonable? What if a spark sets light to something in our garden or even our house?
So I decide I have to confront the monster. I’m going to get a ladder and climb up the wall to communicate with it . I forsee an argument. I see it escalating rapidly to a disagreement with no resolution, the problem remaining, even getting worse — more and bigger bonfires.
I’m feeling stress. My body is doing its thing, the fight or flight response, tuning my resources in preparation for danger. This feels even stronger as I climb the ladder slowly, step by step.“Good job body!. You and me are ready for an argument”.
But HOLD ON, HOLD ON, wait just a minute. Where do I think my feelings are coming from?
I really think they are coming from the hidden monster over the wall, their unreasonable behaviour and their intent. I think they are coming from the smelly bonfire and leaping flames and my future burnt down house and garden shed struck by a spark and turning to ashes.
And then I remember. This is not actually how it works.
Our feelings are only ever telling us one thing and one thing only. One thing. The shape of our thought in the moment. Nothing more, nothing less.
Thought in the moment, right here right now generating a rich but imagined experience that is so good, it really seems real. So real that perhaps Hollywood may soon be calling for this particular movie maker to make their next blockbuster.
So real, even my physical stress response is triggered and does its thing even though I’m not being chased by a tiger. If I was being chased by a tiger this stress response would be a helpful thing of course. But I’m not.
My feelings are not telling me about the future and not telling me about the past. They are only telling me about the shape of my thought right now moment to moment.
Having remembered this is how it works, my feeling of stress dissolves, as quickly as it started.
I now feel in a much better place to handle the conversation with the monster, if it even is a monster. I’m ready to deal with whatever happens in order to get the best resolution in the moment. I feel OK. I feel much more rational and calm as I complete the climb up the ladder and can see who is burning the bonfire.
I find it is a neighbour I’ve not met before. I find they are friendly too. They are simply clearing their overgrown garden, and doing a good job. With no other means to remove the rubbish at the moment, the bonfire was a practical solution. No monster. No deliberate intent to cause any issues. Not knowingly disturbing their neighbours. No argument. They hadn’t realised how far the smoke was drifting.
I notice their garden clearance mean’t weeds that had been coming over our wall, had been cleared and disposed of on the bonfire so we also benefit from the work. After a friendly chat, they volunteered not to burn anything more on the bonfire. So all is good. Just like that.
I now know the reality of the hidden monster behind my garden wall. There isn’t one.
So what did I learn? I’m reminded of the amazing power of thought creating our experience in the moment. That when we notice we’ve mistakenly attributed feelings to something other than thought, things can change for the better and more helpful thinking arises. And I realised that my feelings were definitely not coming from a hidden monster over my garden wall.
Have you got any monsters over your garden wall?
